Positive Side

I just wanted to take a minute to talk about the positive side of being agoraphobic because there is one. I am so grateful for every new place I see. I remember driving home to Bel Air from Baltimore City comfortably for the first time in years; I remember taking the 95 ramp home noticing how the lights lit up the city. It was a beautiful sight that I'm not sure I would have noticed had it not been such a struggle for me to get there. Making it to Newark and Annapolis and D.C. all gave me similar feelings. I was and still am so grateful to have made it to those places.

I hear people talk about different cities and states and countries they have or are traveling to and I wonder if they stop to appreciate the fact that they are able to go to those places with no thought. This semester I talked to a few students who have barely been out of Baltimore because they take the bus everywhere and do not have the money or means to go anywhere and that makes me feel fortunate that I do have those luxuries even though it's harder for me than most people.

If I could go anywhere, I'm not sure that I would have found Camp Sunrise. If I had been busy using my vacation time to travel, I'm not sure that I would have looked for summer camps where I volunteer a week of my time. I would like to say that I would have sought out an opportunity like this anyway, but I'm not sure. All I know is that I'm glad I did. Camp Sunrise changed my life, so not being able to travel has given me as much as it has taken away from me. And spending a week with kids with cancer really puts your life into perspective and makes you grateful for everything you do have instead of the things your life is lacking or the things you can't do. Even though traveling is so hard for me, I know it could be so much worse. I know how lucky I am.

So my agoraphobia has helped me be more grateful and has led me to do things I might not otherwise have done. And even though I can't go anywhere I want, I am so blessed for the small steps that I have made and continue to make. And when I make it to the ocean this summer and see waves and smell the ocean for the first time in six years, I will feel like I've traveled the world.