Almost to York

“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.”

The day after my anxiety was reignited in Westminster, I drove again. I got on 83 North towards York, PA and drove. I did this same drive the week before and made it out of Maryland into Pennsylvania but barely. The further from Baltimore on 83, the longer it is between exits. I didn't know how long it would be to the first exit in PA, so when I did the drive the week before, I got off at the last Maryland exit and found my way to the PA line off the interstate. It wasn't a pretty victory where I confidently crossed the finish line, but I still made it. 

After that drive, I did a little homework. I googled 83 North and found a website that listed every exit and how many miles it was between each. This way, I could check the exits off as I drove and I would know exactly how many miles before the next exit even before my GPS could tell me. 

So a week later with pieces of paper that had all the exits listed, I headed out for a pretty finish. I started on 83 N and drive calmly until I was almost to PA. I got off at that same last Maryland exit and pulled over on the side of the road for a while. I felt the anxiety building inside of me. Then the fact that not moving forward would be going back, racked in my mind and on my soul and I started driving. I told myself that if I was going to take my girlfriend on vacations that I had to take this small step. So I did. 

I got back on 83 N and drove towards York. My goal was to get to the first exit into Pennsylvania which is exit 4 in Shrewsbury and is 3.5 miles over the state line. I calmly crossed the finish line that was the sign reading, "Welcome to Pennsylvania." Approaching exit 4, I felt pretty calm so I kept going. I made it to exit 8, which is Glen Rock and is 7.5 miles over the PA line. I was about 10 miles and 4 exits away from York. Next time I'll make it all the way there. I just need to keep driving and keep trying. 

Life is not going to wait for me so I need to catch up to it. I need to not let this affect my life. It has already had a profound impact on my past causing me much loss in ten years, but it will not rob me of the love that I have found and of my future. It absolutely will not.